Today was an anniversary at work- a time to reflect on the growth and change over the last year, of all that was accomplished. So we took a field trip. I took my team up to mountains where we basked in the glory and warmth of nature, sitting alone, by ourselves and pondering over the last year.
It’s funny how much can change in a year, even in a day.
The start of my day began with a new representative coming into my office for a little mentoring time. His face was drawn, weary, his eyes heavy. “What’s on your mind this morning?” I asked. I was met with a firm but definitive, “I want to quit”.
We’ve all been there- those moments where everything feels so heavy, where every task feels like we’re fighting for our lives, where getting out of bed in the morning is more burdensome than exciting.
Obviously, the next question out of my mouth was “Why?”. Then I simply listened.
I heard words of exhaustion, despair, fear, purposelessness, sighs and pauses as he searched to clearly communicate how frustrated he was. . . . And I could only smile.
I didn’t smile maliciously or as if silently grateful someone was going through their own personal hell, because that is not at all what I wanted or desired for my dear first year representative. The smile that crept across my face began deep down in my soul, it was a smile of understanding, of hope.
How ironic that on this particular day, the day where my team and I were going to analyze and reflect on the past year as well as dream for our future, my mentee would need a little encouragement and reminding? Reminding of why he chose to began this career in the first place, of how many lives and clients he had helped and impacted, of the trust he had gained from doubtful worriers, of how he caused walls to crumble and restored hope to those he met, of the potential for what the future held for him, and of his own dreams that had somehow been buried between the late nights and early mornings, the midnight oil that seemed to have run dry.
And I was in a position to say, “I understand”! Not “I’m here with you” or “We’ll make it” nor “You’re not alone”. Not this time, no siree. This time my words were “I’ve been there”, “You will make for I did and if I did it, you can too”, “You probably feel alone, but there is light at the end of this tunnel”.
Do you see the difference? Can you hear the excitement, overwhelming joy, and giddy glee that is fluttering inside me as I write these words? I WAS ONCE THERE and I am not now. I have grown, I have flourished, I have survived the hardest part of this career’s path. You see, this morning before my mentee walked in, I thought I was where he is currently. There are days that feel like it’s the first day of the rest of your life and you’re at the bottom of a steep, graded mountain where you can’t see the top. It’s simply a leap of faith that the top exists and each baby step you take, you’re praying that your faith is not in vain. To start a day that was designated for celebrating, reflecting and dreaming, beginning it in doubt was not the birth of what I wanted for the day. My mentee, in his frustration and willingness to be broken before me, reminded me of all that I have done and can be ever so grateful for.
I did not title this posting Joyous Journeyer on accident. Notice I did not call it Joyful Journeyer. There is a distinct difference. Joyous is a state of conscience continuous realization for what you are experiencing and learning- It is contentment in the process, not the outcome. Joyful is a moment of jubilation as it freezes in time and then it quickly passes away.
The road, the path to whatever is important to us, is not always paved. It can be lined with dust, rocks, boulders even. It can be unsteady, curving where we don’t expect it to, rising and falling under it’s own notion paying no regard for us or what we want. When I experience the hardest and steepest points of my life, I begin to see what I’m made up of- I see a steadfast, loyal, determined heart that I may never have recognized had the road been a stroll through a flower filled field. We can find moments to be grateful for the journey, to notice our growth and be joyous for the dream we are moving towards, however slowly, to find contentment in the longing for something more. Then, one day, when we stop to catch our breathe, we just might look down and realize we’re at the top, where the view reaches as far as the eye can see, the air is clean, crisp and fresh, where we are surrounded by beauty. This is what makes my heart joyous.
